A Start of Something New

Well, this isn't High School Musical. This is my New Year post. I wasn't able to make a year-end post because my mind is all cluttered. My travel blog has been in hiatus for a long time and this personal blog has done no progress either. I've been thinking and I've been thinking a lot. Over thinking is a weakness of mine. I tend to think too much about too many. I guess I'm crazy.

I was silently struggling for the past year. I've been questioning a lot of things including the existence of God, who I am, and what the heck is wrong with me. I thought I was all good, I thought I was well grounded until I took Introductory Philosophy for the second time around more than a year ago. I had one of the most respected professors in the Philosophy department as my professor. She's known in the University for teaching Philosophy really really good and she would make you think; she would make you question. And I did. I still haven't found answers to my questions. I was really really close to believing that God does not exist. I guess there are no answers, that's why it's called faith. Logically, there may be no God. But why am I in tears? I don't know

Maybe there is after all? And I am crushed inside because I know deep down inside that I have hurt Him. I questioned. I doubted. Maybe if going to church was optional for me, I think I may have stopped attending a long time ago. Looking back, I can't believe this is actually happening to me. I was brought up in a Christian church. I was very active. I went to a Christian school for 11 years. My faith was so strong back then. I can't believe I am losing it know. And I don't like the feeling of it.

Last Christmas Eve I suddenly bursted into tears while the church choir was singing. I miss being a part of the choir. I guess I miss serving the God I used to believe in. But how can one go back when you have done something terribly wrong in the past and instead of having support around you, to help you get get up, you find yourself being like a cast away. You feel like the everyone and everything has turned it's back on you. And guess what, it freakin hurts.

It's been 3 years and I haven't really moved on. And it sucks big time. I haven't prayed since then. I refuse to pray. I don't like touching my Bible. I just want to let it be. I don't know.

I was in Powerbooks Greenbelt last September and I found myself in the spiritual/inspirational section of the bookstore. I knew I was losing faith and I needed something to help me. Maybe a book? I bought a book and a devotional. I haven't read the book till now and I just touched the devotional today. Technically, it's already January 3. To me, it's still January 2. So I am just 1 day late. So let me share what it says:

"God is the God of forgiveness and second chances. By admitting our areas of failure, and committing to turn from past wrongs, we are allowed a fresh start."

It's 2011. It's a new year. I guess this is the perfect time to start all over. So is there a God? Have faith.

This emo-ness is already long. I guess I should wrap it up.

I guess what I am trying to say here is that my major goal for 2011 is too start all over and build a new relationship with God. How and where to start? I dunno. I'll ask around.

Cheers to 2011!

Holidays Movie Marathon: Catching Up with 2010

And because our trip to Baguio was cancelled, I guess I'll be just staying in the comforts our home for the rest of this term break. Initially, I really don't know how I would be spending it. If I only had the money, I'd hit the bookstore and buy lots of Fiction / Fantasy Books: The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel (6), The Spiderwick Chronicles (5), A Series of Unfortunate Events (13), The Lord of the Rings (3), and finally The Heroes of Olympus: The Lost Hero. Wow, I guess that's a lot and would even cover my reading list for the entirety of the next trimester. But then again, that's only IF I had the money. So, what to do? what to do?

Thanks to Team Kaladkarin (my new found friends from the EK trip I just had) I know now what I would be doing till January 5 comes. So Robbie posted this question in our mini facebook group: What is your TOP 5 MOVIES FOR 2010? And the truth is, I could only answer two. Yes. That's Toy Story 3 and How To Train Your Dragon. Well, aside from the fact that our family isn't a beach or resort goer every summer; we are also non regular movie goers. There has to be a great reason why we're watching a movie. Either one of us is celebrating  his or her birthday (How To Train Your Dragon), or the movie is just so great and excites us so much that my sister and I couldn't stop asking mom (Toy Story 3), OR the movie would give me an academic incentive (Wall Street). So what a better way to spend my term vacation by having a movie marathon and catch up with what happened in the movie scene of 2010.

First on my marathon list are the movies my Team Kaladkarin friends voted for:

Easy A

The Social Network

Despicable Me

Inception

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

And then I looked for a 2010 movie list to see what other titles might interest me, like movies I intended to watch but I never had the chance to cause I am so freakin busy in school or I am simply broke. LOL. So 7 more movies were added to my list:

Legend of the Guardians

Alice in Wonderland

The Last Airbender

Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Theif

Going the Distance

Eat Pray Love

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

And another 6 as soon as good copies become available via the other way of getting movies. =P

Tangled

Megamind

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

Tron: Legacy

Yogi Bear

Gulliver's Travels

How about you? How are you spending your holidays?

Choosy Yelly.

Yesterday was a holiday, and to my family, it was the perfect time to go and visit my lolo's grave. So as I was preparing Yelly early that morning...

Yelly: San tayo punta?
Me: Sa cemetery.
Yelly: Anu sakay natin? ----- Ayaw ko sakay sa bus mommy.
Me: Sige, maglakad ka :))
Yelly: Gusto ko taxi *and then puts a big grin in her face*

How can a 3 year old kid be so choosy with means of transportation and learn to prefer taxi over a bus? O.o

If I was the one who won the 741,176,323.20 lotto jackpot...

If I was the one who won the 741,176,323.20 lotto jackpot...

1. I would pay Yelly's tution in full.
2. I will set aside money for Yelly's tuition till college considering all factors.
3. Send hubby back to school, no need for you to work now!
4. Buy hubby a good pair of eyeglasses
5. Buy hubby a nice, cool, durable backpack. Make that 2!
6. Pay debt.
7. Buy a nice condo unit in Makati. I can't wait to live in a place that is soooo conveniently located!!!
8. Buy a car.
9. Buy a family van.
10. Buy a pick-up.
We never had a car :)) I lived my entire life commuting to here and there.
11. Buy mom a nice 10 hectare farm in Tagaytay.
12. Build mom a nice vacation house in that farm.
13. Take mom to Silang and go plant shopping! :))
14. I'll take my bestfriends and my family to Bangkok and go shopping for lots of bags and clothes.
15. Go on a tour in Europe and spend months there!
16. Take mom and my sister to Japan.
17. Take hubby to Africa. Safari. Safari. Safari.
18. Take Yelly to every Disneyland on Earth.
19. Buy Yelly every kind of Barbie there is!
20. Buy DLSR
21. Take Professional Photography classes.
22. Take Baking classes
23. Build my own bakeshop empire.
24. Enroll Yelly in Ballet classes.
25. TOUR THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD with family and friends :) SOOOO FUN :3

Ok na ako. hahaha.

Getting it the hard way.

This is a photo of me taken last October 24,2010. Fat, I know. I don't even look THAT fat in that photo cause the dress fits me good plus the cardigan does its job great.



And this is a photo of me taken back in 2004 or 2005, 2nd year highshool. I ain't thin back then. But I sure am slimmer compared to what I am now.



Dear, I am human and I am a lady. Of course I am not happy with my body now. Marunong ako mainsecure. I want to lose more than 40lbs and be able to fit in those pretty clothes. Sobrang arte ko! Ang dami kong gustong bilin at suotin. I want to be confident on how I look. Dagdag mo pa ang magaganda at payat kong bestfriends. Sinong hindi mababaliw sa pagpapapayat?

Sabi ng nanay ko, ningas kugon daw ako. Di ka pilipino pag di mo alam kung ano ang ningas kugon! hahaha. Magaling lang daw ako sa simula. Eh sino pa ba ang mas nakakakilala sakin ng pagkatagal-tagal kundi ang nanay ko. So siguro nga totoo? hahaha. Tamad din ako. Soooooobra.

Pero it definitely sounds wrong na pagpapapayat nalang katatamaran pa? at lalo namang kung ang pagpapapayat ay puro sa simula lang? Sobrang naaawa na ako sa sarili ko. Ito na ang pinakamatabang state ko sa buong buhay ko and I'm not getting any slimmer, pataba ako ng pataba.

One thing I don't do lately is to get myself new clothes. Sobrang ayoko talagang bumili ng mga bagong damit for I fear that I may like the way I look even though I am fat! Nooooooooo! Lalo akong mawawalan ng motivation pumayat kapag nangyari yun! T.T Kawawa naman ako. And for the record, I'm not overweight --- I am obese. @_@

Lahat na yata natry ko na. Slimming tea. Cosmo 5 day diet. Banana diet. Water therapy. Fitrum. Cosmo Body. Fit n' Right. Gym. Aero-Taebo. Bike. Jog. Fasting? Wala namang nangyayari!!!

Siguro kaya ako ningas kugon kasi maikli ang pasensya ko. Gusto ko may nakikita akong pagbabago. So pag feeling ko wala namang nangyayari, ayoko na. Haaay nako. Ang sabi nga ng nanay ko, "Hindi yan overnight!" Nga naman! hahaha. inip inip inip.

So ayan, eto ang latest losing weight drama ko. Nestle Fitnesse + Jillian Michaels. Why do I get this feeling that this is going to be effective? ;) Maybe because for the first time I'll be putting diet and work out together. I think I should've done that waaaay before.



Dear Nestle, please sponsor my diet. Kidding! Hahaha. Bought a box of Fitnesse and checked out the meal plan suggested:

Breakfast: a bowl of Fitnesse with low fat milk, fruit, a cup of coffee
Lunch: Balanced normal meal
Dinner: a bowl of Fitnesse with low fat milk, non fat yogurt

And because I am broke, I simply searched for the cheapest low fat milk in the grocery and grabbed the only non fat yogurt there. And upon checking out the counter, it was only then that I found out the everything in my basket was Nestle! Choose wellness, choose Nestle! ;)


So a box of Fitnesse is good for 6 servings. So what I did was I divided the contents into 6 separate ice bags just to make sure that I don't eat more than what I am supposed to.


And I couldn't believe that a serving of Fitnesse is only this small. I mean, seriously? Starting the day with only this little?  After 2 hours, I'd be famished already!!

But oh my, mix it with milk and this whole grain cereal would immediately fill up your hungry tummy! Serious! I'm impressed. Eating this both for breakfast and dinner already cuts a lot of calories for me. I'm used to eating a lot every morning so that I have lots of energy to kick start the day. And I also end up eating a lot in the evening because of stress. So sticking to this food program has a huge effect already on my calorie intake.

And for the work out part...it's Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred!

It's super hardcore, it's killing me! My body hasn't adjusted yet. I feel like I'm gonna die whenever I work out.  Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred is a 20 minute work out: 3 circuits of cardio, strength and abs. I suck in cardio. Super duper mega hingal! Feeling ko effective to, nakakamatay kasi ang feeling! hahaha.

Let's see. Tatagal kaya ako? ;) Gusto ko na pumayat at magshopping!!!

Yelly's got kulit logic!

My 3 year old is such a brat! Napaka-damot ng bata na yun.

Everyday, Yelly's used to buying food from the school canteen before her class starts. She'll make me buy french fries, lollipop, orange juice or popcorn. Tapos pag-hihingi ako sa kanya or kukuha ako, sasabihin nya,

"Akin 'to eh!"

Syempre sasabihin ko,

"Eh ako bumili nyan eh!"

At wala na syang magagawa kundi bigyan ako. HAHAHAHA!

Just a couple of days ago, Yelly asked for popcorn.

"Mommy, gusto ko popcorn"

"Ok."

"Bigyan mo ako pera. Ako bili."

At wala akong kamalay-malay sa umaandar sa isipan ng batang to. Iniisip ko,

"Wow! Gusto na matuto maging independent."

Binigyan ko ng pera at sinamahan ko sa canteen. Eh sakto time na, so nilagay nalang namin sa lunch bag nya yung popcorn. Di na niya nakain yung popcorn niya, sa break nalang nya siguro.

Uwian. Sa service nya, nilabas nya ang popcorn nya. Di pa pala kinain. Pinabuksan sakin at binigay ko sa kanya. Kumuha ako.

"Ako bumili nito eh!"

WHAAAAAAAAAATT?! Kaya pala gusto niya siya ang bibili ng popcorn niya, para mawalan ako ng karapatan kumingi! HAHAHA napaka-adik XD Well, Sorry nalang siya. Sinagot ko,

"Eh pera ko yun eh!"

Bwahahahaha. At wala na siyang choice kundi bigyan ako. =P

Revamp.

I have so much to share! My brain's being talkative lately ;) I shall bring this blog into life and put my day to day journeys and insights that are worth sharing and some things I just couldn't keep to myself. I've been thinking too much for tara-na.com and it boxed me cause it's a niche blog for food and travel. I couldn't just share stuff about random things in there all of a sudden! I would just be destroying it's purpose. So here, let's talk about random stuff here. I have no money now to buy a new domain and there's no hope mom's gonna get me one.  So yeah, I guess I could get used to blogger after quite some time. I want to share a lot of things and I need another blog to keep and this is it. :) ericaorange.blogspot.com <3