Sending my Yelly to school...

Yesterday, Yel and I went to her school for enrollment. And it was only yesterday that I realized and it finally came to my senses how hard it is for a parent to send his or her kid/s to school. I wonder how my hubby feels, since he is the one working for Yelly's tuition. I wonder how my mom feels...

I was with my sister last Monday. We went to UST for her reservation and of course I learned how much her tuition is for her first semester. It was only last Monday night when I saw my mom's face looked the way it was. She was looking at my sister's schedule of fees. Next school year is going to be a tough one and we could feel it as early as now. No more unnecessary expenses. Next school year, there will be two college students for the first time. Next school year, there will be three students for the first time. Two college students would be joined by a pre-school student. College education is expensive, and so is pre-school education especially for nursery.

I couldn't help myself. I just suddenly burst into tears when we were about to eat our dinner that night. I felt pressured. Tuesday would be my first day of finals - cost accounting, first in line. I felt the need to do good with my exams. I just have to! I'm not in just some university - my mom spends a lot for my La Sallian Education. And I couldn't help but feel guilty of my 6 units of failure. That's already 12 thousand pesos. 12 thousand pesos was lost because of algebra and philosophy. And why am I blaming the subjects for the loss? Shouldn't I be blaming myself instead? Now, I felt how irresponsible I was. I couldn't afford another failure anymore.

I have no one to blame but myself. Surely, I could say that I didn't learn good studying habits from my past school. I get to be first honor always with minimal effort. And with no effort at all, I still manage to belong to the top 5 of our batch. But it's my fault that I was contented with what I was having. It' my fault that I let myself be happy go lucky. It's my fault that I settled with such attitude, and now I am paying the price. I'm no excellent student inside the university.

Adding to the guilt is my Yelly's tuition fee. I told hubby that I don't want my mom to feel any expense related to Yel's schooling. Yel isn't my mom's responsibility. But what can we do? Our savings wasn't enough. We had to borrow money from my mom to pay for Yelly's tuition for the mean time. We borrowed so much already, but still it was just enough for Yelly's tuition. We haven't bought her uniform yet, her school shoes, her books, her materials and other stuff she needs for school.

I don't want to ask more from mom because in 2 weeks it'll be my sister's enrollment. And then next month, it'll be my enrollment. I hope hubby's salary just before the school year starts would be enough to cover the things we still need to get for Yelly. And when school starts, we need to pay for our fare everyday and Yel needs baon. How is hubby's salary going to be enough to cover all of those when our priority is to pay back Yelly's tuition fee? I am going crazy! I just want the best for her.